What You Should Expect in a Real Friendship
I expect my friends not to call me too often unless they truly need help. However, then again, you should be talking to your therapist, not to me. In my last friendship, I felt overburdened. I was just overwhelmed by the neediness of this one codependent person I used to know. I thought to myself, wow, she is stalking me by phone demanding I be her therapist.
This is why I dumped her abruptly. I was stressing over her stress lodged in my body. Yes, I’m an empath but newer friends, do not overload me by causing me to stress that you need to talk about with a therapist.
Anybody with wisdom knows how to appropriately use a therapist, as part of his or her mental health regimen. I will be going back to therapy at a campus near me when school starts up again. However, anyway, yes, I want friends who are not deliberately stalking me by phone, as I had to block two who decompensated. I have dumped her abruptly and decided to cut her off since I only have so much stamina to deal with her massive-unstable, and codependent nonsense.
My current friends know when I need my space. They know that Facebook is adequate. If I have someone around, I get rather jumpy. They have to be a mellow sort or at the very least, have their mental illness under control to be around me. I totally get why some people got dumped with the label as a toxic person from others that I have met only recently. So in which case, I’m busy avoiding toxic people right now.
I’m also working on my self-esteem. Remember, I have CTPSD. My last friendship left me with more traumas, from both the ex and a “friend.” This girl overstepped her boundaries by calling me daily. I was unable to keep up, so I blocked her. I want to be friends with functional people if they so exist. I’m not even sure who amongst my friends are functional. I like people who work since I’m trying to get healthy enough to work if that is even possible. Right now, I feel I’m better off trying to finish my list of business plans so that I can start putting it together and selling it.
My real friends would not get brainwashed by my family. Zod (my parents) are great at brainwashing people. My real friends would be like “in one ear, and out the other,” because what they have to say is not true. Anybody who is really my friend, even family friends, would not get brainwashed easily. The thing is that my friends would not believe a word Zod says. Other people have caved to this, such as the Ex getting very brainwashed. Depressed people are vulnerable to that. I’m trying to shake off family brainwashing daily while living by myself. So far, I’ve been quite insightful and quite successful. I’m working through so much trauma on my own.
Real friends would be like, hey I can make a sugar-free cake. I’m working on sugar-free baking with what’s left of this year/summer. I felt singled out with a watermelon cake because of my diabetes. Diabetics can have sugar, so long as you take the right amount of insulin for it. Then again my dream is to enact sugar-free baking. I have learned the sugar version, and now I’m working on sugar-free baking routines. The party was interesting, but I felt singled-out and uncomfortable. My birthday wasn’t a force of nature in high school. It was more like a reason to bully me. This is why I freak out on my birthday. Yes, I have friendship trauma, which I’m trying to sort through on my own.