What I Have Learned 1 Year After My Breakup?
One year ago, I ended a three-year relationship. Time has a way of closing wounds and letting us look back on our past in an objective manner. Because of this, I have been able to study my past and look at how the Lord has worked in it.We met freshman year of college, and our friendship developed into a close relationship. We dated until the last semester of senior year. I never knew how much I would grow to care about someone else. I deeply loved her, and I could not imagine my life without her. She was the person I admired most in the world. However, I let this devotion hurt our relationship.
I was too afraid of disappointing her to be completely open with her. I closely guarded all my perceived shortcomings. I never let her see any part of me that might hurt the facade I had built up. Don’t get me wrong, I never lied to her and was completely honest about my past. However, I did not let her see my present vulnerabilities. Whenever one of my weaknesses was exposed I reacted very defensively and tried even harder to hide it from ever being exposed again. As you can guess, I did not respond to criticism in the most Christ-like of manners.I wasn’t fooling anyone with this charade. Looking back, it was all too obvious what I was trying to hide. It was because of this and other reasons that eventually led to the end of our relationship. I never knew how much of my heart she occupied until she was gone.A very long year has passed since then. College was over and I have started my career. I’ve had much time to think about the past. I have watched guys I’ve grown up with head off to their freshman year of college. If they ever called me and asked me for advice what would I tell them about dating? What would I say to my younger brother if he asked me what I have learned from my past relationship?
Breaking Down Walls
I would say that it is okay to build walls around your heart to keep it safe. You need to guard it carefully against sin and those who will hurt it. However, walls are meant for protection, not isolation. Every wall should have a door that allows family, close friends, and your future spouse in. Every wall should have many windows to let the ones closest to you see in. Don’t be afraid of letting the woman the Lord provided for you to see your soul. This is who you are deep down. The secret soul in all of us is where all our faults and insecurities lie. The part of us that we are afraid of letting anyone see. I would tell him that his future wife will not just be marrying the good parts of him but the not so good as well; she would get all of him.
I would tell him that he would never be able to present himself as the perfect boyfriend or husband. We are all cracked and unfinished projects that the Master Craftsman is working on. Being confident of this very thing, that he which has begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ Philippians 1:6 KJV.
I would finish by saying until the Lord was done with him, keep an open heart and mind. Keep himself primarily open to the Lord’s leading in his life. Let the Lord direct whom he should entrust his heart to. Moreover, if God brings her along, let her know who he is and what the Lord has done with his life. We all start off broken. We all get hurt along life’s path. It is easy to use the pain to barricade ourselves away from the world. However, it is not worth missing out on what the Lord has planned for us to seal ourselves apart from His creation.
Building New Relationships
Much of this past year was spent trying to dig myself out of the palisade I had thrown up around my life in the wake of my break up. It was so much easier to protect myself from ever getting hurt again than it was to deal with the past. However, the Lord has been patient with me. He has allowed me to look back at the past the way He has seen it all along. Moreover, for that, I am thankful.I made so many happy memories of my relationship. I gained so much insight into a world I had never experienced. My girlfriend was and continues to be, a kind and gentle person I thank the Lord to have known. I am so thankful that I could learn these lessons from my past and I hope to pass them on to you. Protect your heart but do not shut the door to what the Lord wants to do in your life.