The Fears of Being a New Mom & How to Overcome Them
My fears came when I found out I was pregnant. That day motherhood began, and for the first five months of my pregnancy, I worried about my baby and what kind of mom I would be. This was new territory for me. I am the kind of person that tries to prepare for the most part and being pregnant is unpredictable. With parenting books, the internet, and friendly advice, you hear that phrase, “every pregnancy is different.”The best advice I got was that “you are going to make mistakes; no matter how hard you try not to.” Months into motherhood, and I can say that I made a few and learned from them. I have a healthy little girl, but that doesn’t mean the fears have completely subsided. I read something in the news, I have a bad day at work or experience something rather good or bad, and that can provoke fear about me or my daughter. There are three main ones that popped into my head.
Time or Lack Thereof
My mother passed away when she was 50. During the happy moments, I miss her the most. It’s not predicted that I will also die at 50. I was fine with getting older and trying to add and take away things from my bucket list. When I had my daughter, I felt as though I didn’t have enough to do anything but want to do so much. I went from keeping to myself to sharing time with my daughter between my family, friends and her father, his family and friends. I admit I am selfish when it comes to my daughter. I am not the only mother who is. It took a month for me to not focus on time and remember that I am fortunate to be a mother and enjoy it my way.The first thing I had to do was let my family and friends see her. They love her as much as I do and want the same things for her. When I see them, I just hand her off and try to catch up in friendly conversations. Her father and I aren’t together, and regardless of how I feel about him, he loves our daughter too. I had to let him be a father and give him time to bond with her. This isn’t easy for me. I’m taking it day-by-day, and even telling myself not to hold on so tight. Most days I do great, and some days I need some work. I’m doing what is best for her.
Normal vs. Not Normal
I had What to Expect When You’re Expecting but didn’t read it. I was obsessed with YouTube videos. I was watching milestones with my pregnancy month-to-month. I looked up parenting videos by the British nanny Jo Frost. I didn’t get a fetal doppler because I would have been that mom checking every hour to see if I hear a heartbeat. My OB/GYN recommended me to stop and just relax. I still watched. I had what I believe is called an anterior placenta (where the placenta is positioned in the front wall of the womb). It wasn’t serious. I mentioned it to a few women, and they finished the sentence before I could explain what it was.Because of that and me already being overweight, I didn’t feel my baby move until I was almost six months pregnant. My doctor informed me that the baby and I were fine. Once she did move, I felt she wasn’t moving enough. Again, the doctor said we both were fine. When I took her home, I had questions. After my sister left from being with the baby and me for a week, I had questions.Baby acne, baby eczema, my daughter sleeping on her side instead of her back, her kind of wheezing when she gets frustrated, I didn’t know what was normal and wasn’t normal. ASK QUESTIONS! The pediatrician is probably tired of me asking her the same questions during every check-up but I still ask. I ask some of my Facebook friends who have been around children about advice on anything. It’s making sure I find that reassurance knowing that my daughter is okay. If that means being annoying and asking the same questions or asking, “too many” I’ll be annoying.
The Places & Experiences You Won't Be There For
From making a new friend to heartbreak. Hospital trips or will they come home tomorrow? There are kids fighting in school and posting videos on Facebook. Should I home school my kid? Should I tell her don’t date until she’s 35 to spare her heartbreak? I had heartbreak at 35, 27, and 23. The reality is that I can’t protect her from life. Her father told me that I don’t have to tell our daughter everything.This one will be a day-by-day choice for me. I learned that you can learn something about someone from a lie and a truth. What I don’t know, I educate myself so that I can educate her. How fully prepared can I be? Never fully prepared. I can try and I will try. I tackled some fears, while some just rest and others stay in the forefront of my mind. I can’t let that consume me. The consumption will take away from the little moments I am trying to experience.