When Your Past Threatens Your Future

Throughout my life, I have been through ups and downs. There have been good times that have come my way and then there were times I wondered how I would ever make it through another day.

When I was thirteen years old, my life turned upside down; my parents split up. My mom had an affair with one of the men she worked with. Over the few months after my father found out and left my mom, I learned a new lifestyle I thought I would never have to know. My brothers and I would go from one home to the other; switching back and forth between my parents.

After a while, my mom and dad made the decision to get back together and fix their relationship. I was overjoyed by their decision, however, there was one person who hated the idea. That was the man my mom had the affair with. He was so mad that he began threatening my dad. From nasty phone calls to late night visits, what started as an angry man, became a dangerous situation. The threats then moved from being solely directed towards my father to directed towards our whole family.

Then, one day, my parents made the decision to leave our home and move back to Colorado. In two weeks, we packed up everything we owned and left. I wanted so badly to tell my friends where I was going but for safety reasons, we were not allowed to tell anyone we were moving back to Colorado. If anyone asked, we had to tell them that we moved to a town two hours away.

For years, afterwards, I lived in fear, wondering if that man would ever find us again. Living in fear is a dangerous thing in itself. Eventually, I became depressed. I rarely went out except to school and church. There were moments I searched through the Bible looking for safety and help. The one verse that I have kept close to my heart and has helped calm my soul is Joshua 1:9.

Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified, do not be discouraged. For the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go. Joshua 1:9 NIV

I knew every time I read that verse, God will never leave me. There may be moments I become afraid again, but God is by my side.

Then there were times I thought God couldn’t hear my cries. Nights where I lay awake in fear or I would wake up from a dream about him finding me and my family. Those nights were the ones I thought God couldn’t hear my cries. But Psalm 40:1-2 says,

I waited patiently for the Lord to help me, and He turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the pit of despair, out of the mud and the mire. He set my feet on solid ground and steadied me as I walked along. Psalm 40:1-2 NLT

There may be days that the fear of my past comes back but I always have to remember that God is there. If I live my life in fear, I will not grow. I will forever be stuck in that mud and mire of despair.

Maybe there is something in your past that haunts you every day. You can’t let that take over your life. Turn to God and give Him all of your fears. He will never leave you and will always be there when you call.