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Marriage: Is There A Boss?

When did husbands become their wife’s father and wives become their teenage daughter? I heard a wife say “I’m just glad my husband let me come.” What? You’re glad your husband let you come? Since when did you need your husband’s permission to do anything? I’m a Christian and I know the bible says wives submit to your husbands, but that doesn’t mean the husband can be the dictator or tyrant.

Ephesians 5:22-33 (ESV)

Wives and Husbands
22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.
23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior.
24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.
25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,
26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.[a]
28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.
29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church,
30 because we are members of his body.
31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”
32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.
33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

This verse is talking about mutual submission. Yes, that means that both the husband and wife should care, love, and respect each other. In verse 25, God commands every husband to love his wife. What does it mean to love? What does love mean? Here are a few synonyms for you:

deep affection, fondness, tenderness, warmth, intimacy, attachment, endearment; devotion, compassion, caring, regard, solicitude, concern, friendliness, friendship, kindness, sympathy, altruism, unselfishness, philanthropy, benevolence, care very much for, feel deep affection for, hold very dear, adore, think the world of, be devoted to, and the list can go on!

To love your wife/husband means to respect them, to give them the attention and admiration they need, to be supportive, etc. Which brings up this verse.

1 Corinthians 7:3 (KJV)
3 Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband.

Benevolence means to show kindness and compassion. This means letting your wife relax one night, ordering food in or taking her out to dinner, helping with the dishes after she’s had a long day and is tired, putting a load in washer, letting her have a weekend trip with her girlfriends, spoiling her and making her feel special.

Marriage is a partnership not a dictatorship. One shouldn’t have to ask their spouse for permission. Do you ask them permission to go to the store? Do you ask them permission to turn the TV on? No! Now don’t get me wrong, if you’re going to a new country every weekend for a vacation with your girlfriends or going on boys trip every weekend that’s not cool. But, if you want to go on a trip with some friends every once in a while you shouldn’t have to ask permission. But decisions should be discussed between the husband and wife and advanced notice should always be given and is always encouraged.

We live in the modern world where both husbands and wives work full time, and yet I still know some couples where the wife works full time and acts like a full time wife who doesn’t have to work. What is up with that? Men you’re not too good to get your hands dirty and clean the kitchen after your wife makes dinner or to help with a load of laundry and women if the trash is full and you have time you can take it out – you don’t need to wait on your husband to do that (just don’t do it after you get your nails done lol)! For the wives who are blessed enough to not have to work and have their husband bringing all the bacon home that’s a whole different post, but husbands it doesn’t mean you can’t treat your wife by helping with the dishes or taking her out to dinner and /or watching the kids while she take a long hot bubble bath.

The marriage I grew up seeing was a partnership full of compassion and kindness and I believe all marriages should be like that. Men just because you help your wife do duties around the house that wives did a couple of decades ago doesn’t make you wimp or weak! It shows that you care for your wife and you’re a good husband. Set a good example for your boys so they can do the same when they grow up and have their own wives.

Some of you might say what do I know about marriage due to the fact that I’m not married and never have been. To be honest if that’s what marriage is I don’t know if I want it. I believe marriage is about making sacrifices and compromises, and not dictating what each other can do. I hope one day I can have a husband like my dad who is willing to help with the dishes or put a load in the washer (even though he might not do it right all the time) every once in a while. Never once in my adolescence years or as an adult did my dad think my mom belonged in the kitchen or because he was the head of the house doing house duties was beneath him. Both my parents are kind and compassionate to each other and they have set a great example for my brother and I. Some of you might disagree with me and that is fine. I pray one day you read into the verses and truly understand God’s commands for both the wife and husband.

By all means for the couples who can afford to have someone clean your house take advantage of it – just make sure it’s not a devious one (for those of you who don’t watch Lifetime I’m referring to the show Devious Maids)! Remember a happy wife means a happy life and a happy husband means more money to shop!

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