From the moment that we enter into this world, we begin to have relationships with other people around us; people like our parents, grandparents, siblings, cousins, aunts, uncles, and eventually friends. The older we get, the more our circle expands. At some point in our lives, we may enter into a romantic relationship. We can have certain ideas about romantic relationships when we are younger, but as we get older, we learn how to compromise and work better together. We even learn what our needs in a relationship are and what those of our partner are.
Some of us are very kind-hearted, tend to agree with others, and want them to be happy. That is very noble although this can be detrimental in a relationship. Although a relationship involves two people who must equally be committed within the relationship, it is important that each is allowed to be their self. While you should want to make your partner happy, you must also be happy within the relationship.
To find balance when it comes to voicing your needs even when you want to always agree with your mate, think about your life before you met him or her. Remember the person that you were, the interests, and the life that you had. This is what made your mate attracted to you in the first place. Sure, you’re going to change a bit and begin to compromise or even develop new interests that your partner has gotten you into. However, who you are as a person should not change. If you love listening to loud music, then keep listening to it. Just because it is something your partner does not do, it does not make it wrong. You must continue to be who you are and to live your life.
When you are interacting with your partner, if you want something different for dinner, tell your partner. There is nothing wrong with that. You can even agree to eat something different for that evening. If you are really against something or if a particular comment hurts your feelings, you need to voice this to your partner. While it is not good to nitpick at everything, your partner needs to be aware when he or she has crossed a major line.
If you do not voice your needs in your relationship, you simply become a wallflower who is willing to go to any length to make your mate happy. Ironically, this will not make you or your partner happy. You will begin to resent him or her, which will cause changes in your behavior. Your partner will notice this and start to wonder what is going on. When you do voice your needs, be sure to be loving, kind, and speak in a manner that leads to open discussion instead of your partner becoming closed off and defensive. What you say and how you say it is crucial. There still may be times when you decide to go along with what your mate wants because it makes him or her happy – perhaps she loves golf, and you hate it, but telling her would upset her. In that case, go ahead and play golf with her. Just make sure that she does something that you enjoy as well.