When Confrontation is a Good Thing

I don’t know how old you are, but in snake person culture (my generation) confrontation is almost as taboo as chewing on your own toenails. I think in the case of women especially, we are raised to avoid it all costs so we’re not seen as combative or short-tempered. Speaking as a woman who considers herself to be both of things, I don’t necessarily think there’s anything wrong with being a little forward when the occasion calls for it. Being too forward is certainly better than being the alternative — too soft-spoken and submissive, which is exactly what the patriarchy wants you to be. It’s okay to possess these traits naturally, but you’ll never be able to get away with never confronting anyone. Don’t let societal expectations and political correctness start to damage your relationships.

Confrontation needs to happen when you reach an impasse. Your friends, no matter how well the may know you, are never going to be able to read your mind. Exhibit A: After going to see a close friend star in the school play, I headed to the dining hall to get some ice cream by myself, because what’s more of a fun time than gorging on Ben and Jerry’s over re-runs of Rupaul’s Drag Race? I saw a friend there with some mutual friends–we said hi and parted. I was rather hurt that she hadn’t invited me to sit with them; after all, I’d made the trek across campus to see her in her play, hadn’t I? I archived the feeling as I sat alone with my ice cream, letting it stew for day before I decided I couldn’t take it anymore. Possibilities of us never speaking again, of me pulling a Kanye and taking her microphone to declare that we were over during graduation and multiple listenings of Bad Blood all to place, my delusions becoming grander and grander. Finally, I texted her and asked to meet so we could talk about it. She asked if I were angry, and instead of beating around the bush, I told her that I was but I wanted to talk about it.

I confronted her and told her that when she’d been so cold, it had hurt my feelings. She apologized immediately as we both came to the conclusion that it was a misunderstanding. It’d been incredibly difficult, but because I’d bitten the bullet and told her how I’d felt, we’d come through the other side as better friends. Had I convinced myself I was being stupid and just kept it in, I’d have always resented her for it. And it really wasn’t anyone’s fault–we just misunderstood each other. Unless you tell people what’s wrong and confront them, you’ll always be wondering.

The more you confront people, the easier it will become. Go out and speak your mind today!