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Culture, Life, Relationships

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

Breaking up with someone you love usually means more than giving back a few gifts and reclaiming your Friday night dinner, movie and cuddle session. Breakups remind us that we have to learn how to fall out of love and out of some of the habits love produced. This is usually where life gets hard and tricky.

When you love someone, you spend so much of your time with them. During the relationship, this doesn’t seem odd, foreign or extreme. You welcome the moments you have with the one you love, the one who sees life the way that you do. You’re excited to be in their world and they’re excited to be in yours. So, the two of you orbit one another like the Earth orbits the Sun.

And then…

something tragic happens – a disagreement, a lie told or something unforgivable cuts into the rose colored glass and suddenly love is broken and you are too.

So, you walk away from the relationship, for good this time, and you have to pick up the pieces, you know you have to put your life back together again. But, where do you start? Most of the difficulties I had in getting over the breakup was because I realized I had to change so many of my life habits. I would no longer have a permanent movie partner or a shoe-in shopping buddy. I wouldn’t be able to try new restaurants with one of my (then) favorite people. Breaking up with my ex-boyfriend meant breaking up with the lifestyle habits I had formed along the way.

Thankfully, two things saved me: family and female friendships. This is why my advice to women is this: no matter how deeply you fall in love with someone, always remember you need strong relationships with the women in your life. The moments when you’re sad and lonely, the moments when you need someone to stop you from texting the person who broke your heart, are the moments when you need one or two great friends. Don’t forsake your female friends when you’re in love because you’ll always need your friends to celebrate the good times and to get you through the tough ones.

Here’s how you can maintain your female friendships while in and out of a relationship!

    • Schedule dinner dates: I have a friend who loves to eat wings, Asian food and frozen yogurt as much as I do. We schedule time with one another and link up for good food and good conversation. We also check in with one another to see how things are going. This is always an opportunity to pour my heart out and receive some great, godly feedback.
    • Netflix marathons: we all love to cuddle up with a blanket and watch a marathon of House of Cards, the Walking Dead or another super popular show. Carve out some time on your monthly calendar and invite some girl friends over to watch a movie or a t.v. show marathon. Bring out the onesies, the popcorn, the wine, and the laughs. Trust me, there’s nothing better than a relaxing evening with your closest friends.
    • Facetime/Skype: Don’t forget about your long distance friendships! I don’t believe “out of sight, out of mind” has to be a reality. Technology makes it much easier for us to see your friends who live out of state or out of the country. If you’re feeling lonely because you don’t have someone to hang out with, maybe your friend who lives far away feels the same way! I schedule Facetime sessions with my favorite friend who lives in another state. We talk for hours and I always leave the conversations feeling happy and super connected to her.
    • Prayer partners: I brag about this all the time and I will never apologize for it. I have the best prayer partners in my life. My sisters in Christ life my name up in prayer all the time! When you’re going through a  breakup you need someone to pray for your healing and the restoration of your heart. Don’t forget to involve your prayer warriors in on the process of getting over a breakup.

Love is a beautiful thing, but breaking up is hard to do. My advice is, don’t do it alone, phone a friend!

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